Thursday, August 20, 2009

What channel is Lifetime on?

Wowza. Even though it feels like it's been a bagillion years since the last ep of Project Runway, it still seems like this popped up out of nowhere. I thought the show would be lost in lawsuit limbo forever, but then suddenly:

In four hours and twenty-eight minutes Tim Gunn, Heidi, MK, and NinaGarciaFashionDirectorOfElleMagazine are back in our lives. Yay!

It does not bode well that I have no idea what channel Lifetime is on my teevee. Also we have not had time to update the header of this here Project Stunway blog (clearly, we are now going to be sounding auf on PR6). But despite the rocky start, we are IN.

See you on the runway.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Saucer of Milk: Table Two.


If you saw more than 5 seconds of this week's episode, you KNOW Kenley was PMSing....but what's Heidi's excuse for the extra eye rolls?

P.S. I love how you can add, "but that's just me," to the end of any criticism, and it's automatically less bitchy. Let's try! "Heidi, I think you're a wee bit too old to wear as many sequined mini-skirts as you do....but that's just me..."


Spies Like Us

First of all, I would like to assert my firm belief that Tim Gunn and Diane Von Furstenberg are, or were, at some point, involved in a torrid, romantic love affair. I know what you're thinking...but, excuse me, ALL human beings - straight, gay, young, old, fashion forward, or tranny mess - get aroused at the sight of a DVF wrap dress. That's just science. And the way Tim gazes at Diane, and the obvious degree to which he admires her talent (and by talent, I mean LEGS)...well, it's straight out of a romance novel.
(Watch those hands, Timothy!)

Now, what's straight out of a horror film, was my expression upon seeing most of the designers' work this week. Sweet Betty, designers...this is THE Diane Von Furstenberg! The only one who seemed to except the gravity of this challenge, whilst floating above the pressure, was, per ush, the darling Leanne.
Um, WOW. I have not pined for a dress this badly since the red, slinky number from Santino's final collection. And this one is available in mass production! For the bargain basement price of.....


Yikes. Moving on. The dress was a hit, for sure, and the jacket was cute, although, totally mis-matched. Don't get me wrong, it's adorable. I mean, if it weren't, would Jillian Lewis have worn the exact same thing on every single episode last season?!

Aha, Leanne! Thought you fooled us, huh? Everyone knows you just found Jillian's old sweater under your work table and threw it over your model's shoulders at the last minute! This would ordinarily be an auf-able offense, BUT, I may be willing to keep my mouth shut if you send me one of those dresses for FREE!  K? Great. Deal.

I would've preferred Korto's jacket on Leanne's dress, but grey sweaters aside, the win was well-deserved.  Still...where was the competition?  Kenley's?  Really?
Puh-lease. These two, with Joe's drag suit in the middle, look like a couple of extras from (insert flamboyant Broadway musical of your choice here). I'm glad, for Kenley's tear ducts, that Diane liked her dress, but I feel like Heidi made some good points. I mean...that's it? Just a dress...and kind of a simple one at that? It's cute, but...I'm underwhelmed. Let's cut down on the tears and beef up the talent next week, mmk?

Of course, I really can't complain about Kenley's dress without mentioning the absolute stink-bombs from Joe and Stella. Good God, they're downright offensive!
Ugh, I've just vomited in my mouth. The worst part of this whole monstrosity was Joe's enthusiasm for the look. False, the worst part of this whole monstrosity was the HOLE IN THE BACK...but his enthusiasm for such a heinous POS is stomach churning. And Stella? Come on guys, the giant clock on the workroom wall said it was definitely her time to jet. It was probably her time a few weeks ago, but I'm glad we got the chance to know her a bit more....I even have a new respect for biker chic now.  Again, false....but she did turn out to be a sweetheart!  (And if you want a pic of her losing design, get over to am NOT putting that cape on this blog.  Blech.)

Next week's order of business? Blayne and Jerrel. What on Earth are they still doing here? Both seem to subscribe to the philosophy of "If you can't beat 'em, make 'em laugh at the absurdity of your garment!" Exhibits A and B:

Haaaaaaa! Oh boys, you know I love you, but....clock's tickin'....

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Live-Blogging in a DVF wrap dress

Sike, I wish I owned me one of those. I'm wearing a lycra cotton blend dress from an Elder Beerman in Dayton, Ohio. Alright, let's do this.

8:54: Poor Utah. No more Keith!
8:55: Roommate is leaving to get papertowels from Target.
8:56: Last 5 minutes of Bones before we change this channel FOREVER. They are speaking in British accents and saying things like, "..., your grace." I thought this show was set in DC.
8:59: "Ew they were doin it and shit."-- Roommate Lindsey recapping Bones for me.
9:00: Project Runway. Oh, I forgot about the car guy from last week and his accent.
9:01: Leanimal go ahead girl! 
"There is criticisms and there is insults. And then, there is Keiths."
9:02: Oh Gawd, Stella looks good in a bikini. Don't front like you wouldn't want to look like that at her age.
9:03: Suede is nervous about the first day with his new roommates. Suede doesn't like Suede's new roommates but Suede is glad to be stayin alive.
9:04: By the end of this season, Heidi will have worn enough fabric to make 1 whole outfit, if you combine all her outfits into one.
9:05: Leanimal: "Legend. That means old right?"
9:06: Blayne wants to marry Mary Kate? For real? Their babies would be awesome.
9:06: That entrance was legendary! Kenley is upset by the legendaryness of the whole thing!
9:06: DVF is confusing the designers with this challenge already. Tim sets everyone up for failure. Designers freak out, understandably.
9:07: Oh no, you have to have an American Express card to buy the winning dress. Presumably, an American Express card with some money on it because you all know that shizz aint cheap.
9:08: Kenley is just... she's tripping.
9:09: Designers are throwing DVF's "babies" all over the place.
9:10: Terri rocks. She makes some sick pants too.
9:11: Blayne looks for MKO in the lookbook.
9:11: Peanut gallery in my living room: "Yikes" re: Suede's sketch.
9:12: Blayne is talking trash about Terri's pants. He's obviously jealo because he has never worn a pair of "pants" in his life, and maybe wonders what it feels like to be in hot Terri pant.
9:13: Kenley is putting a lot of pressure on herself. We are worried.

9:17: Commercial. Back to Bones. They are apparently still hanging out at the British embassy in DC. Oh look there's Embassy Row.
9:18: Living Room re: Jerrell's sketch: "How hard is it to design a glamorous thing? Like, honestly."
9:19: Joe remembers what color won for him last time. Craziest hottest pink. Oh dear.
9:20: Leanimal reveals she has not traveled outside of Portland, AS HERSELF.
9:22: Tim tells Suede that "visually" he's not getting it. But he's getting it ... psychically? Make it work, Suede. 
9:24: Joe's outfit so far... HATED IT.
9:25: Everyone in America is blinded for two seconds after seeing Korto's fabric in motion.
9:26: "This woman, she's traveling, right? She's a traveler right? She's from Paris? Ok?" Gawd, I love Steller.
9:26: Stella in her head: "What is bigger than big?" Outloud: "Huge."
9:27: Kenley agrees, through tears, that designing for DVF is "huge" compared to designing for KMart or Wal-Mart.
9:30: I'm not sure about Stella's outfit but her makeup looks really good under that interview light. I am a Stella convert.
9:31: Living room: "Look at all that leather, man." Yep.
9:32: Tim + DVF are BFF 4ever.
9:33: Lindsey wonders why she thought Kenley was 21 last episode because now she's 25.
9:34: Wow, models are like, really pretty.
9:35: Leanimal thinks, and we agree, that Joe forgot to make part of his outfit.
9:38: Kenley starts crying at the mention of DVF.
9:40: Leanimal's is beautiful, no?
9:42: Blayne is tan.
9:43: Jerrell's crazy hat makes it through to the next round.
9:44: Michael Kors asks Joe what was she thinking.
9:45: DVF likes Kenley's dress, Kenley doesn't hear her because she keeps asking DVF if she "nailed it."
9:47: Heidi likes Leanimal, is pulling for anyone but Kenley.
9:48: Not going to lie I kind of like Suede's jacket. Lindsey kind of likes, "none of it."
9:49: This living room likes Leanimal's the best, we think.
9:50: "Let's be honest," love that Michael Kors.
9:51: Commercial. DVF commercial is pretty-like! Living room wonders how old DVF is.
9:52: I bet this nice piano music plays whenever DVF enters a room. That's what legend means, people.
9:53: "My Best Friend's Girl" looks SO DUMB.
9:54: Living room asks what kind of world we must live in if Dane Cook gets to be a movie star.
9:55: Seriously, does anyone do those text surveys? Ok, fine, Venus Schnitzel! 
9:56: Go ahead Leanimal! 2 in a row! Portland, USA! 
9:57: Oh no, one of my favorites is going home for sure. Like every week on this show.
9:58: Stella or Joe Stella or Joe Stella or Joe.
9:59: That WAS an ebullient departure, Tim. Bravo! See you next week when someone poops fabric. Can't wait.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Shameless Wonkette live-blogging rip-off, postponed!

In honor of the hard-working, live-blogging talents at -- the only people in the universe who can write things that will make me laugh at 9:45 in the morning -- I'm going to live-blog tonight's next week's episode. These are historic times friends, and I'm addicted to MSNBC. 

Also, what can I say, them there time zones done confused me. Once I figured out what the hell time it was, I realized I'm too excited to see Bill and Biden speak to blog about how Joe's immunity will no doubt save him from otherwise certain doom tonight (I mean, I'm guessing).  

Even still! I will see you on the Stunway! 

But no seriously, this shit is funny. Hit refresh, biddies. 

Friday, August 22, 2008

Whatcha know Joe

"It's so far out of my realm that it takes me a good 10 minutes before I could really ... and still, I don't think I can get it really. I have to approach it as if I was making a Halloween costume for my daughters."
No offense, but are Joe's daughters 7-foot tall middle-aged male New Yorkers? Because he seemed to have no trouble with this challenge, despite his initial worries. At one point, it looked like his head may explode.

But we all know what happens, which is why we've gathered together today on Planet Blogosphere.

Marthe knows it's embarrassing. Suede knows it's embarrassing. But it's just something we've got to do, lambs. And, like horribly unfortunate photo montages at weddings and other family events, we should have known it was coming. Project Runway finally breaks the spirit of a good and decent straight man, and the moment must be recognized as an official Project Runway holiday. From now on, no school on August 20ths.

Ladies and gentleladies, I give you, the main event, Joe Detroit, a life in pictures.

Cracking up begins around 7:30 a.m.

Talking shit about Keith by 7:45 a.m.

Dancing in Ann-Margret's bra by lunchtime.

If one day we ever manage to get the image of a guy who looks a lot like our Dads dancing around in Ann-Margret's bra out of our heads-- we will have to give Joe his propers. He ends up having more fun than anyone, makes an appallingly ugly outfit, delights the judges, and wins!

Go ahead with yourself Joe!

But, sorry, I still think Terri got robbed. What does it take for a black woman to get ahead in America, people, for real?

All that and more coming up. 

Oh, Rudy! 

Thursday, August 21, 2008

"I think I need those boots."

Sometimes, a challenge such as making costumes for female wrestlers, or for not-so-female entertainers, makes the audience scratch their collective head and go, "But what does this have to do with fashion?"  To those viewers, I say..."exactly!"  It has nothing to do with fashion, mes amis.  It's up to the designer to inject their aesthetic in to the challenge.  Those who can, go on, and those who resist, are auf.  The best contestants make us see something that we can appreciate or admire, even when it's draped around a 7 foot tall drag queen.  For instance, Ann-Margret?  I want that belt!  And Kabuki princess?  MK needs those boots, please.
I gotta say, I was impressed with a lot of the designers this week.  (As previously stated, I swooned for Joe's jumpsuit.)  But some of them?  Notsomuch.  Terri has become somewhat of an enigma to me.  At first, I was screaming for the judges to recognize her talent.  But over the past few weeks, they've heeded my calls, yet, I've quit, um, calling.  I think she did a great job for her client (who was, by the way, kind of hot as a dude).  But it's just....
It's not pretty!  What's with the yellow strands?  Why the slab of silver on one leg?  I know, it's beyond me...because Nina lurved it, and MK thought it was Heaven...but I just do NOT get it.  All the same, props to Terri, cuz it flew over my head and into the judges' hearts...

I also kind of hated Jerrell's, but, for different reasons.  Mainly, that I have not seen one photo of his creation that didn't leave his queen looking like a munchkin:
SO not pretty.

And then, there's my girl Kenley, who played it pretty much safe this week. That's fine by me, but while I think she was going for Marilyn Monroe, she may have struck a chord closer to Rosemary Clooney....

Just saying.

And then, you have the three boys who have stuck to their guns from day one:

There's something to be said for continuity, unless what you're continually producing is neon, swatched, or boring.   Fellas, the jig is up....and it ain't pretty.  This week, Daniel, the repeat offender from the Republic of Cocktail Land, bit the dust...but if Keith and Blayne (yeah, I know he was safe this week, but that's only because Jerrell's outfit suuuuuucked) don't step outside their well-established comfort zones, they'll be next on the list...

The rest of the designers? They can keep on, keepin' on.  Especially Miss Korto.  Her skills for making people look like oversized produce came in handy this week, for real...

Loves it!