WTF, USA?

Lest ye assume that the Season 5 designers were the only ones missing the point of the Olympic Games, I give you, Ralph Lauren's Vision of Team USA!

(Complete with fearless leader, of course.)

So, to be clear, we are a nation of US Airways pilots, in, um, newsboy caps. And the one in the middle? He's in charge.

I'd like a one-way ticket to the Republic of Cocktail Land, please.

House of Plain

I am personally offended by the following barrage of bland:

Ugh!  I can't even say it's vanilla. It's the stuff they call "vanilla" when you get frozen kefir, but really, it tastes more like "plain."

In fashion (and in my opinion, in life) there is no greater sin than vanilla. The whole point of getting dressed each day, is to tell the world something about yourself with what you throw on. I mean, I guess there's also some utilitarian purpose to robing...like, to keep warm...or abide by laws and societal norms...but really, really, it's to broadcast. A designer should fundamentally understand that...and not just understand it, but encourage it!  Unfortch, from day one, Jennifer has shrouded her model in loose fitting fabric, dowdy designs, and humble hues.

Sorry, Ringo, mais, putting a gorgeous girl with a perfect body in the outfits above is a traveshamockery of the worst degree.  And, yeah, I guess her very first attempt was cute(ish), but I feel like, given more paper towels, she'd have made that lil' number floor length!  Bottom line: There's a difference between working what you got, and hiding what you got...and Jennifer? She's been playing hide n' seek all season.  

I will simply not have the rest of the world think that this aesthetic represents our entire great nation. Kudos to you, judges, for recognizing that it's better to walk out the door in a floppy, polka dot hat, than to never get noticed at all.

Kerri Strug can do it, so can you.

I am not sure some of these designers had heard of "the Olympics" before last night's challenge, so maybe we should pause for a Merriam-Webster moment:

Olympic Games, pl.n.
1. A group of modern international athletic contests held as separate winter and summer competitions every four years in a different city.
2. A Pan-Hellenic-du-Blonde festival in ancient Greece consisting of athletic games and contests of choral poetry and dance, first celebrated in 776 B.C. and held periodically until A.D. 393 on the plain of Olympia in honor of the Olympian Zeus.
3. An ancient ritual involving old Romanian dudes and freakishly tiny American girls with sprained ankles and great attitudes.

I mean, I guess I can see how this could be confusing. Maybe our designers ... didn't own TVs during those years ... or ... don't live in cities with TVs in every building ... or went on fabulous vacations during the Olympics every summer. Judging from their faces, they seem to have some deep-seated issues with the Olympics stemming from childhood, perhaps causing them to block out all recollection of the thing.

Blayne's like, "The Olympics, man, I don't know what those are but I saw a movie once about them. The athletes weren't playing themselves but it was pretty sweet I guess."

Yeah, they hate it.

At least the straight one is happy.

BTW: Someone somewhere led Bravo to believe that all straight men look like Joe and Kevin. It's like they troll the streets of Detroit for Irish/Italian-looking guys with facial hair ("He's straight, let's get him!"), toss 'em in the back of a van and drive directly to Parsons.

Actual picture of Kevin C. from Season 4 after seeing Tiki Barber.

Yeah yeah, ok. So we knew the designs were going to be bad, but really, they exceeded all of my expectations. Some of these are wonderfully, hilariously bad.

The group of designers who unfortunately confused The Olympics with an arguably equally competitive sporting event, the Macy's After-Thanksgiving Day Sale:

Representing Utah: Keith.

Kelli.

Kenley.

Daniel my brother.

Jennifer.

And my favorite....

Jerell. Bahahahahaa! Wtf? Love it.

Don't get me wrong, I think most of these are adorable, and snaps to the designers. It is only the total disregard for the challenge itself that I think is so great. Gold medals to this team.

Time to start my actual job ... more recaps to come! <3 x <3 x <3

A note about Stunway: Helene, Maud and I haven't been able to post as much lately due to nouveau jobs, apartments, cities, schools. But Mama's back, kids. Let's party.

Going back to 'taly

Stunway on Location: Dayton, OH

Yesterday morning, a friend of similar stature (read: petite) and I took on the seemingly insurmountable task of loading a one bedroom apartment into a 16 foot moving truck, then moving said truck to Dayton City, USA. It was a lot like Crossroads, except without the stupid Mimi girl. And we didn't have to sing Joan Jett in front of a bunch of strangers...we chose that, actually. Anyway, the point is you'd think after all that I'd want to hit the hay immeidately upon arrival at Maison du Blonde, mais non. I stayed up til 2 to watch some DVR'd PR, and though I was barely concious (and according to my travel companion, hallucinating) I still feel confident in the following assertion:

Leanne was robbed.

More to come, like, when I'm not blogging on my iPhone and driving at the same time. (Shh...it's cool. Everything's legal in Ohio.)

Jillian Lewis Answers Prayers Via Sweater Dress

According to the all-knowing PR source, my faaaaavorite Season Four contestant, Jillian Lewis, will be gracing the globe with her fall collection...wait for it...this August!!!  That's practically tomorrow, people!  Better get those credit cards ready, because I'm pretty sure you'll want one of everything...

For more details and pics, head over to our friends at Blogging Project Runway.  For info on the dress I plan to purchase the second it becomes available, see below: 

 

YAY!

LeathUGH!

I try so hard to stay positive when I blog. I realize that I was super hard on Ricky (and Carmen, and Sweet P...) last season, and I feel bad about ripping him so often, so I felt determined to be nicer to the designers this season.

Then, I met Stella.

STELLA!!!!!!!!! I can't handle her. I just can't. I hated her dress this week SO much. I think if it had passed through in the middle, I would have only been mildly nauseous (like I am about Jerell's atrocity). But the Top 3? Praise from Micheal Kors, for something that looks like a Hot Topic employee's prom dress? That, I will not stand for.

I'm sorry, but put simply, this is crap:

Apparently, Nina feels that shiny, tiny and short is the fastest way to look cheap. I agree, and I might add that shiny, tiny, short and LACED UP THE SIDES is an even more precise path to Trash Town? I mean...GOODNESS. What on God's green Earth is that thing?! Thank God for Natalie Portman, that little dose of sanity in the crazy caucus that is the PR judges' table. You could see her gritting her teeth, trying (and comme moi, failing) so hard to be positive. She was all, "Um...I kind of hate asymmetrical...um, on me...but, on other people? I guess...well...it could be nice." No, NatP! Don't give into Nina's hateful glare! Stand up for yourself!

The thing that irks me most, is that it's not like the judges were strapped for better dresses. This time, the award for "OMG How Did They Snub This?!" goes to Miss Terri. All three fashion forward (and might I add, adorable) inhabitants of my apartment shrieked in delight when this number took the stage. The top photographs un peu provocateur, but on the runway, it was a hit. Love the collar, love the belt, love the styling, love the model (SUCH good models this year!)...love it all. Love you, Terri. Well done.

Of course, had she made the top 3 she'd have faced some serious competition in the form of Kenley and Suede. First, let's talk Kenley. Have I told you lately that I love her? I haven't friend-crushed on a reality star this hard since Whitney from The Hills...but, no, seriously, Kenley and I need to be friends. Especially if she can teach me how to wear deep red lipstick without looking like The Joker - I am so, deeply jealous of people who can pull off that look. Anyway, girl crush aside, she's a fantastic designer. I absolutely adore the dress she made for this challenge, and I think I may have officially deemed her my new Jillian for the season.

And then, there's Suede. Wicked annoying, yet astonishingly talented. I can't believe the craftsmanship on this dress. He had the same crappy "remnants of nonsense" as everyone else, and yet, he melded them together in a way that was uniquely appealing. NatP gushed, Heidi's younger alter-ego swooned, and even MK bowed to the tulle. While I think Kenley's design was clearly more chic, Suede's was just plain cool...and you have to give credit where credit's due. But it's lucky for him someone from Bluefly wasn't on the panel, because they'd have gone for the other dresses in a heartbeat. This creation is gonna be a bitch and a half to mass produce.

And then, there were the losers, or as Stella (ugh, Stella!) would say, the "loosahs"...

Yikes. In the immortal words of Laura Bennett, that is some serious ugly. But, in the end, Wesley's frock was so tacky, it personally offended Nina. And when you offend Nina, you know what happens...auf with his head! Still, I'm a bit conflicted about Wes' departure. I mean, on the one hand, I felt like he had a lot of potential...but on the other, what sort of vision can someone in boat shoes really bring to the table?

The rest of the designers skated through with ease, which I know upset a few of the Blayne-haters out there. I do see where the haters are coming from - B, stop trying to make "licious" happen - but I am still giving him time to grow on me. And people, his Stella impression? It's growing on me.