Thursday, September 4, 2008

Spies Like Us

First of all, I would like to assert my firm belief that Tim Gunn and Diane Von Furstenberg are, or were, at some point, involved in a torrid, romantic love affair. I know what you're thinking...but, excuse me, ALL human beings - straight, gay, young, old, fashion forward, or tranny mess - get aroused at the sight of a DVF wrap dress. That's just science. And the way Tim gazes at Diane, and the obvious degree to which he admires her talent (and by talent, I mean LEGS)...well, it's straight out of a romance novel.
(Watch those hands, Timothy!)

Now, what's straight out of a horror film, was my expression upon seeing most of the designers' work this week. Sweet Betty, designers...this is THE Diane Von Furstenberg! The only one who seemed to except the gravity of this challenge, whilst floating above the pressure, was, per ush, the darling Leanne.
Um, WOW. I have not pined for a dress this badly since the red, slinky number from Santino's final collection. And this one is available in mass production! For the bargain basement price of.....


Yikes. Moving on. The dress was a hit, for sure, and the jacket was cute, although, totally mis-matched. Don't get me wrong, it's adorable. I mean, if it weren't, would Jillian Lewis have worn the exact same thing on every single episode last season?!

Aha, Leanne! Thought you fooled us, huh? Everyone knows you just found Jillian's old sweater under your work table and threw it over your model's shoulders at the last minute! This would ordinarily be an auf-able offense, BUT, I may be willing to keep my mouth shut if you send me one of those dresses for FREE!  K? Great. Deal.

I would've preferred Korto's jacket on Leanne's dress, but grey sweaters aside, the win was well-deserved.  Still...where was the competition?  Kenley's?  Really?
Puh-lease. These two, with Joe's drag suit in the middle, look like a couple of extras from (insert flamboyant Broadway musical of your choice here). I'm glad, for Kenley's tear ducts, that Diane liked her dress, but I feel like Heidi made some good points. I mean...that's it? Just a dress...and kind of a simple one at that? It's cute, but...I'm underwhelmed. Let's cut down on the tears and beef up the talent next week, mmk?

Of course, I really can't complain about Kenley's dress without mentioning the absolute stink-bombs from Joe and Stella. Good God, they're downright offensive!
Ugh, I've just vomited in my mouth. The worst part of this whole monstrosity was Joe's enthusiasm for the look. False, the worst part of this whole monstrosity was the HOLE IN THE BACK...but his enthusiasm for such a heinous POS is stomach churning. And Stella? Come on guys, the giant clock on the workroom wall said it was definitely her time to jet. It was probably her time a few weeks ago, but I'm glad we got the chance to know her a bit more....I even have a new respect for biker chic now.  Again, false....but she did turn out to be a sweetheart!  (And if you want a pic of her losing design, get over to am NOT putting that cape on this blog.  Blech.)

Next week's order of business? Blayne and Jerrel. What on Earth are they still doing here? Both seem to subscribe to the philosophy of "If you can't beat 'em, make 'em laugh at the absurdity of your garment!" Exhibits A and B:

Haaaaaaa! Oh boys, you know I love you, but....clock's tickin'....


Marthe said...

I love navy.

Anonymous said...

While I think Jerell is very hit/miss, I still think he's in another league from Blayne and Joe and – hello, you guys seem to have forgot – Suede. Jerell is the only male designer left with a remote chance of making it to Bryant Park. In my book, I'd rank him 5th, behind the four remaining women. Leanne and Korto are a lock, with Terri and Kenley in a battle for third.

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