House of Plain

I am personally offended by the following barrage of bland:

Ugh!  I can't even say it's vanilla. It's the stuff they call "vanilla" when you get frozen kefir, but really, it tastes more like "plain."

In fashion (and in my opinion, in life) there is no greater sin than vanilla. The whole point of getting dressed each day, is to tell the world something about yourself with what you throw on. I mean, I guess there's also some utilitarian purpose to robing...like, to keep warm...or abide by laws and societal norms...but really, really, it's to broadcast. A designer should fundamentally understand that...and not just understand it, but encourage it!  Unfortch, from day one, Jennifer has shrouded her model in loose fitting fabric, dowdy designs, and humble hues.

Sorry, Ringo, mais, putting a gorgeous girl with a perfect body in the outfits above is a traveshamockery of the worst degree.  And, yeah, I guess her very first attempt was cute(ish), but I feel like, given more paper towels, she'd have made that lil' number floor length!  Bottom line: There's a difference between working what you got, and hiding what you got...and Jennifer? She's been playing hide n' seek all season.  

I will simply not have the rest of the world think that this aesthetic represents our entire great nation. Kudos to you, judges, for recognizing that it's better to walk out the door in a floppy, polka dot hat, than to never get noticed at all.