I try so hard to stay positive when I blog. I realize that I was super hard on Ricky (and Carmen, and Sweet P...) last season, and I feel bad about ripping him so often, so I felt determined to be nicer to the designers this season.
Then, I met Stella.
STELLA!!!!!!!!! I can't handle her. I just can't. I hated her dress this week SO much. I think if it had passed through in the middle, I would have only been mildly nauseous (like I am about Jerell's atrocity). But the Top 3? Praise from Micheal Kors, for something that looks like a Hot Topic employee's prom dress? That, I will not stand for.
I'm sorry, but put simply, this is crap:
Apparently, Nina feels that shiny, tiny and short is the fastest way to look cheap. I agree, and I might add that shiny, tiny, short and LACED UP THE SIDES is an even more precise path to Trash Town? I mean...GOODNESS. What on God's green Earth is that thing?! Thank God for Natalie Portman, that little dose of sanity in the crazy caucus that is the PR judges' table. You could see her gritting her teeth, trying (and comme moi, failing) so hard to be positive. She was all, "Um...I kind of hate asymmetrical...um, on me...but, on other people? I guess...well...it could be nice." No, NatP! Don't give into Nina's hateful glare! Stand up for yourself!
The thing that irks me most, is that it's not like the judges were strapped for better dresses. This time, the award for "OMG How Did They Snub This?!" goes to Miss Terri. All three fashion forward (and might I add, adorable) inhabitants of my apartment shrieked in delight when this number took the stage. The top photographs un peu provocateur, but on the runway, it was a hit. Love the collar, love the belt, love the styling, love the model (SUCH good models this year!)...love it all. Love you, Terri. Well done.
Of course, had she made the top 3 she'd have faced some serious competition in the form of Kenley and Suede. First, let's talk Kenley. Have I told you lately that I love her? I haven't friend-crushed on a reality star this hard since Whitney from The Hills...but, no, seriously, Kenley and I need to be friends. Especially if she can teach me how to wear deep red lipstick without looking like The Joker - I am so, deeply jealous of people who can pull off that look. Anyway, girl crush aside, she's a fantastic designer. I absolutely adore the dress she made for this challenge, and I think I may have officially deemed her my new Jillian for the season.
And then, there's Suede. Wicked annoying, yet astonishingly talented. I can't believe the craftsmanship on this dress. He had the same crappy "remnants of nonsense" as everyone else, and yet, he melded them together in a way that was uniquely appealing. NatP gushed, Heidi's younger alter-ego swooned, and even MK bowed to the tulle. While I think Kenley's design was clearly more chic, Suede's was just plain cool...and you have to give credit where credit's due. But it's lucky for him someone from Bluefly wasn't on the panel, because they'd have gone for the other dresses in a heartbeat. This creation is gonna be a bitch and a half to mass produce.
And then, there were the losers, or as Stella (ugh, Stella!) would say, the "loosahs"...
Yikes. In the immortal words of Laura Bennett, that is some serious ugly. But, in the end, Wesley's frock was so tacky, it personally offended Nina. And when you offend Nina, you know what happens...auf with his head! Still, I'm a bit conflicted about Wes' departure. I mean, on the one hand, I felt like he had a lot of potential...but on the other, what sort of vision can someone in boat shoes really bring to the table?
The rest of the designers skated through with ease, which I know upset a few of the Blayne-haters out there. I do see where the haters are coming from - B, stop trying to make "licious" happen - but I am still giving him time to grow on me. And people, his Stella impression? It's growing on me.