Thursday, January 10, 2008

Auf like a prom dress!

At first, I was really, really ridiculously excited about this challenge. I's prom, people! What's not to love? But alas, le sigh, I was disappointed....and I'm afraid the problem with this episode, much like the resulting designs, lies in the execution. The producers and designers BOTH underperformed! How do I mean? Well, if we're going to have to outfit a bunch of high school students, do they have to be from Jersey? Aren't there, like, a bunch of fancy prep schools in Manhattan to choose from? I've seen Cruel Intentions, so I feel confident that I know what I'm talking about here. But make-it-work is the name of the game, so that's what you kids should've done. Few were successful, and I was left feeling very...what's the word...underwhelmed.

That said, I guess I got what I asked for in this episode - AN OPINION. Sweet Moses do I have some opinions on these designs. First of all, I am wicked pissed that Victorya won. WICKED pissed. Her dress sucked MAD hard, yo. Ugh, sorry, the Jersey is seeping into my brain! What I mean to say, is that I am frustrated, disappointed, and unimpressed by her creation. I hate bubble skirts, almost as much as I hate bubble shirts, but I don't hate aaaanything as much as I hate bubble shirts. (False. Leggings. Ohmigod - mental image of leggings paired with long bubble shirt! Aaaaaaah!) Anyway, I know the judges thought Kevin's design looked cheap, but I thought Torya's dress looked cheapER - like something I would see at Forever, pause to think "ew," then head over to Nordstrom where I belong. Moreover, who would wear that to PROM?! I don't claim to know what the kids are doing these days, but according to Newport Harbor, this is still a somewhat-dressy occasion, n'ect-ce pas?

And since I've already taken a turn to negative town - Ricky, ew! Ew ew ew! That color is NOT prom, those beads are fug, and do those shoes serve an orthopedic function? Why would you put grandma's heels on a high school senior? Sadly, par regular, your lackluster performance was enough to get you noticed, but not to get you nixed.

Which raises an interesting question...

What's the more auf-able offense: Consistent mediocrity, or one-time disappointment? It's clear how the judges feel from the fact that Kevin, once at the top of their list, was sent packing this week. True, his dress was disgusting. But was it that much more disgusting than Ricky's? And shouldn't it make an impact on the judge's decision that Ricky sucks? Well, I hope they factor that in pretty soon, because, if not, welcome to Fashion Week, Ricardo!

Of course it wasn't all tacky beading and unfinished hems. It mostly was, yes, but there were little glimmers of fierce sprinkled in every now and again. For instance: I actually loved Rami's dress. MK's right, that color was very 35-year-old-dinner-date, but had he done that number in slate instead of olive, well he'd be immune and I'd be happy. In my opinion, they were way too hard on the age of his outfit - same with Sweet P! We're not letting people win now because they're designs are TOO sophisticated?! Nina, this is prom, did you hear??? The kids dress fancy for that! Plus, what is so awful about not looking 17 when you're 17? When my daughter looks at my prom pictures someday she is going to think "Moooom! Lame!" (Who could blame her? I am just covered in sparkles.) But had I chosen something sleek, like Sweet P or Rami's offerings, well I might have saved myself from future embarrassment at the hands of my hypothetical teenager.

Not surprisingly, my favorite outfit, once again, belonged to Jillian. Not her sea-foam creation. (What are you, nuts?! The fit on that thing was total crap.) No no, I'm referring to her yellow dress at the runway show! Also, her pink skirt in the beginning! Jillian is still my number one - just as long as she keeps the cute outfits and self-deprecating hair comments a'comin.

Takeaways from this week's episode? Well I've come out of week 7 a little more frustrated with Ricky et Vicky, a little more in love with Rami, and lastly, a little more bleak about the future:

Chris March: "What do you guys wanna do when you grow up??"
School Girl 1: "Absolutely nothing!"
School Girl 2: "Public relations!"

Ooooh, nation.


Debby T said...

Having been born and bred in the Bronx (only left after getting married and having 2 kids) I CHOSE to move to New Jersey...and am very happy PLEASE, lay off the Jersey dissing!
But I sincerely hope your Nordstrom has a better selection of clothing than ours. Tacky, tacky, tacky!!!

Daniel said...

Those girls were cute and probably very typical high schoolers. And I don't get the New Jersey bashing either.

Hélène du Blonde said...

No, friends, I totally know what I'm talking about when it comes to New Jersey and/or high school - I've seen Cruel Intentions, and I watched Newport Harbor once! I saw a preview, I think. (You should hopefully get that I am kidding now.)

What is NOT a laughing matter is this other topic: Yes, the Nordstrom at Tysons Corner is heaven. No, you should not, under any circumstance, enter the brass plum section - ticky tack, as Christian would say.

John said...

OMG - I LOVE your blog. You are soooo funny... I bet we would be bff in real life because i'm not a fan of what you mentioned either.

I bet if we were friends you would love doing my favorite things - taking pink shots (omg, pink like jillian's shirt!!!!), planning potential pirate adventures, AND tantrums a la the one you know Christian will have eventually!

love you! you're so funny!

garden state goddess said...

settle down my fashionista friends. as a new jersey native, i feel as though i have to settle the score. if du blonde came to my house and said "you do not have the best darn tomatoes in the country" i would sincerly question her judgement. if she dared to mock my proximity to urban & beachside delight i may have requested a duel ( a la native jersey boy aaron burr). du blonde, you cannot rob us of jack nicholson or meryl streep but ... fashion you may have. tell me fellow jerseyites: did you not wear your "jer-z girlz rule" stamp proudly on your bootie shorts while flirting on the boardwalk? did your blue eye shadow and pink lipstick not threaten to destroy your three-tone, reversible princess gown on prom night? did you not join in flipping your hair over and scrunching mousse into those bleached locks before you hairsprayed that nest into a helmet? ladies, these stereotypes exist for a reason so let's relinquish any claim on "fashion capital of the world" and be proud to have survived the trends that rocked our state. you can take my three inch gold hoop earrings, du blonde ... but i'm keep princeton!

Anonymous said...

for real, even kevin was poking fun (remember his tanning comment)

sweet p was so robbed

marthe bonbon said...

Helene mon soeur: I missed your reference to Forever 32 and so it has been duplicated on accident. if i can think of something funnier than forever 32, i will replace. needless to say, I AGREE.

John said...

Helene i would very much like to see your fac prom picture tout suite.

please e-mail it and i will have a pink shot while i giggle.


Hélène du Blonde said...

it's up, john. you owe me pink shots - payable march 7th.