I would like to thank the producers of Project Runway, who obviously read this blog every day, and chose to tailor Episode 3 specifically to my likes, dislikes, and general interests.
Likes: Jack. Dislikes: Carmen. General Interests: Football.
MERCI.
“None of us really know who he is…but wow, he’s gorgeous!” Le sigh…and with those few lines of poetry, young Ricky has summed up what 99% of the Project Runway viewing audience was thinking. Though I obviously love all things sportif, I'm not big on Tiki Barber for 2 reasons: a) I maintain an unavoidable crush on the Manning brothers, 2) it’s hard to respect a man who retired to spend his days with Meredith Viera. BUT, I totally appreciate PR’s attempt to segue into a new demographic, and I agree that he has the most adorable dimples in the world. I probably could have done without Squints Palledorous talking about spandex, though. He really creeps me out lately, especially when he wears his pimp hat. I also could have dealt without Kevin reminding us every five minutes that YOU GUYS, HE'S THE STRAIGHT ONE….okay, Kev, we get it…it’d be more believable if you didn’t gaze dreamily at TBarbs during the Runway show, but whatever.
WAIT! Everyone take a moment to thank Jack for always wearing a wife-beater....Okay...Now, on to the show! Heidi’s Star Trek dress in the opening should've served as a warning of the fug onslaught about to befall us, but I felt unprepared for so much ill-fitted yuck! Is this The New School for Design, or The Tim Gunn Center for Designers Who Can't Do Menswear Good and Want to Learn to Do Other Things Good Too? I guess that when the client tells you he likes dark colors, light colors, patterns, details, colors and….colors – it’s probably hard to determine what to make. But I think it still should have been obvious he wanted a SHIRT (ahemmm Carmen-like-the-opera).
Sidebar! Carmen's self-imposed nickname reached new depths of hilarity today. In the first place, the top she wore in the first half looked like a theater costume chopped off at the waist (not to mention this necklace - blech!). Deuxieme, WTF was up with her and Ricky’s musical theater at the sewing machines? She was trying to pull a Sanitino a la “Dan Franco Where Did You Go,” but she is a bad singer with NO CREATIVITY. Oh hey, no creativity! Foreshadowing!
Almost everyone made total crap, so I think the judging was pretty straightforward, n’est-ce pas? Half the designers turned their but-why-male-models into their apprentices, and Ricky was so busy he barely even clothed his poor boy! Personally, I didn’t reaaaalllyyy notice the pins on his clothes...but I did notice Carmen’s design. As did Michael Kors, and did you SEE his glare on the runway?! He pulled a Nina! Normally he'll just roll his eyes or something equally passive aggressive, but he fully looked like he was holding back spew when her model walked out...I am so proud! That along with his assumption that Sweet P was being "intentionally ugly" were my favorite MK moments of the season. I do wish the judges had given Kevin more credit, though. That outfit looked exactly like something a certain pretty-boy from New England would have sported in a post-game interview. (Brady LOVES pocket squares, and I'm pretty sure he wore purple in a GQ spread awhile back. I’m sorry for knowing that - I dated a Masshole.) Aside from Kev, I think the judges got it right this time: Jack’s was the best (obvi), and Carmen’s was the worst. Her outfit was straight-up offensive ( <-- obligatory football pun). In the picture below, it looks like her model is wearing a risque women's one-piece bathing suit, and the sweet, sweet irony that her “Members Only” jacket got her auf’d is almost too much for me to take. Now for the moment I have been dreaming of since minute one of ep one: Carmen....LONG PAUSE LONG PAUSE LONG PAUSE...you are out. Hasta never, mamasita.
Important notes from this week’s episode:
Chris March was totally channeling Albert Goldman in this ep. I was waiting for him to say “How bout them dolphins?!” all night.
Elisa refusing to touch that gorgeous man was just wrong – bia, there are girls out there starving and you are fasting.
Jack, when Tim Gunn says “carry on,” he is not being literal, so please quit carting Christian around between challenges.
3 comments:
ahem du blonde - i support all carting around of christian. his commentary is VH1 worthy.
Bahahahahaaaaaaaaaa
I must say-du Blonde-I was looking forward to your reactions on this episode-especially since we are a rare breed that enjoys both fashion and football. I think it must be an Ohio mentality. I was excited that they would be designing/sewing/spitting together an ensemble for Tiki. He was completely obvious on things he liked so I wasn't sure what some designers were thinking when they sent neutral colors down the runway. One of the most important aspects in fashion is to know your customer. My biggest surprise was Kit's outfit-while she was at Mood getting the fleece and khaki chino material. I couldn't help picturing an LL Bean fleece w/Khaki pants which is reminiscent of all the gentlemen who went I went to highschool with -some are still sporting this look today. Ugh.
But her outfit turned out to be well made and wearable. Bravo! (no pun intended)
And yes Jack is an all-star...or maybe it just has to do with those eyes, please continue to put him on camera (thank you du blonde I think you have an influence on this aspect). Not to mention he actually listened to Tiki and made an amazing shirt. The mix of the subtle pinstripe pants and the alternating stripe pattern on the shirt was incredible. Too bad he couldn't complete a jacket-it would have been on fire.
Overall the episode was a full on panic-newsflash you are on Project Runway, as a designer wouldn't you think there would be a possibility of a menswear challenge?
Du Blonde-thank you for your excellent commentary this week, I will continue report from the streets of nyc...
over and out-Carmen.
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